New Year's Eve and my Birthday 2010

What a blessing this year's birthday was! It was much happier than last year's when I spent the evening with friends at a smoke-filled karaoke bar depressed because I thought this would be my life as a single woman- doing the bar scene to meet people.

This year was much better. I started the day off with getting my overly dark hair lightened to a pretty copper color and then I got a facial. Todd went and ran some "birthday errands". Then we took the kids (except for Jayk-who was still mad at me over the police incident) to Steak and Shake for lunch.

Following lunch we went to the mall and looked for the perfect birthday dress. I found a midnight blue dress at Maca's and found a shrug and shoes in about 15 minutes at the promenade. Todd forgot his clothes but found a beautiful midnight blue shirt and some new cords at Target for less the $25.00.

We were definitely rushed, and I was a bit down because of the situation with Jayk but things really turned around once I got all dressed up and met a group of friends at Mermaids for dinner. After dinner we went back to Emily's house for Karaoking. Gwyn and Rick came and I was so grateful. We sang, danced and toasted in the New Year. It was so wonderful to be kissing someone I love as midnight came- it's been so long since I got to do that!

Todd and I (well mostly Todd) said we need to stop living like we're married. He says he won't probe and that I am free to date. I realize this is an important part of the healing process. In the past he has just made me feel so guilty about it. So I guess we are each other's top priorities, but free to do what we want....confusing!

I felt beautiful happy and loved. Todd got me a Tres Leches cake and I felt very blessed to be surrounded by so many kind and loving friends. Anna brought several bottles of bubbly and Emily also made milkshakes.

2010 is going to be so much better than 2008 and 2009-I just know it!

Christmas 2009

I just can't express how much joy, happiness and peace I feel in my life right now! Last year, a month after my ex-husband filed for divorce, I thought my life was over. I was operating in survival mode for my kids mode. I was in so much pain, but determined to provide them with a beautiful white Christmas.

So, I packed us all up. We drove to Kansas City and flew to Salt Lake for the holidays. I rented a condo at Snow Basin so we could ski on Christmas Eve and Chritmas Day. We ended up getting snowed in and encountered a few challenges along the way. I was so exhausted after getting us there, getting a tree and setting up our own little Christmas that by the time Christmas Eve arrived I was really sick.

I think I got one run in in the waist-deep powder before calling it quits. Zach, is his usual style of taking off without a buddy, ended up getting lost in the blizzard for two hours and when he was finally helped to safety swore he almost died and he would never ski again.

Madeleine and Jayk got some skiing in but for the most part, the weather was quite miserable. We did enjoy the white Christmas and had a beautiful Christmas eve at the Lodge with a delicious Turkey dinner, fireworks and of course visit from a very authentic looing Santa.

We barely made it home from the lodge back to condo that night and enjoyed a relaxing evening by the fire. There was something magical and peaceful about getting snowed in and being forced to hunker down together as a family.

I think the high light of the trip was on Christmas day, after the presents were opened, the kids decided to become official polar bear club members and made snow angels then quickly jumped into the outdoor hot tub. They had a blast.

Zach said it was the best Christmas ever.

Well a lot has happened in the last year. My almost 17 year marriage sadly ended on May 13th. I can honestly say, I truly did everything possible to save and repair my marriage, but you cannot take away some one else's free agency. Unfortunately the divorce was also very ugly, as Rick decided to not honor his agreement to lt me be the custodial parent. We ended up getting joint custody and I was devastated at the time because that meant I would be stuck in Arkanasas for the next 10 years until Charlotte graduated.

I remember Shelley Petersen- who came during the custody hearing for support telling me that perhaps the joint custody wouldn't be such a bad thing, although at the time I could not imagine not having my kids 50 percent of the time.

My mom also said, "Who knows Kimberlee, maybe your future husband is here."

The day before my divorce was final, my friend Nicole called me while I was at my lawyer's office saying she had found the most darling man on LDS planet (an online dating web site). She told me she was going to send him a flirt, and at that point I was in such a sad state of mind, I didn't care what she did. Honestly I had resigned myself to being single for the next ten years because I didn't think there would be any good LDS men to date here and was not interested at all in re-marrying.

My Internet at the time wasn't working and she read me his profile and begged me to come over and check out his pictures. The next day, my mom and I went over and saw them, and Nicole was right- here was this handsome, witty man that I never dreamed would be living in Northwest Arkansas.

The day my divorce was final, I got a friendly response back from Paradox64 and our correspondence began. Our first live chat was the Sunday after my divorce and I will never forget it! It was actually the first time I had chatted with anyone on the Internet. We immediately hit it off and chatted for a couple of hours. I felt an immediate connection to his sense of humor, wit and intellect and that's where it all began.

We didn't officially meet for another month, becuase he was still dating someone in Springfield. Our first meeting was at the Promenade- where passed each other on the sidewalk laughing. I thought he was way too short for me, as he was wearing flip flops and leaning over talking to his daughter and I was wearing 3 inch heels.

We decided to officially meet for a walk around lake Fayetteville the following day. I realized immediately that he was not too short and that he had the most beautiful blue eyes. We talked non stop for 5 miles and I didn't want the walk to ever end.

Later I went back to Nicole's house for brownies and the first thing I said to her when I walked through the door was that I was getting married and would she be my photographer.

Around the same time that my divorce was final, I finished my first documentary, The Bluebird of Happiness. As painful as that was to make, while going though a messy divorce, the creative outlet absolutely saved me.

I just really can't express how blessed I've been this past year with special friends and loved ones who have been there for me. But most importantly for my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ who never abandoned me and whose administering angels were an ever present part of my life. I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ! Without it I do not know where I would be or how I could have survived all the painful trauma of this last year!

I enrolled as a full-time graduate student in Journalism in the fall at the UARK and just completed a very demanding semester with I think straight A's. Todd, that's the name of my Internet friend, was a huge help to me.

We've had a very rocky road since we started dating on July 18th with me healing from the divorce, trying to help my children heal, blending families and learning how to be a single mom and full-time graduate student. But we survived and I think we love each other even more because of it!

I spent Thanksgiving with his family and his kids came over to my house for Christmas Eve. Madeleine and her friend helped me cook beginning the 22nd until noon on Christmas Eve. We made everything fro a Buche de Noel, to a Buttermilk spice cake, toffe, dips, clam chowder popcorn cake and 3 different cookies. We had a blast singing and dancing while cooking and Madeleine said this is the best Christmas ever!

By the way, Madeleine and I began our Christmas celebration in New York City the weekend of the 12th. We met my best friend Shelley and her daughter Kaitlyn and had an absolute blast-I'll have to do a seperate post for that.

Anyway, after we finished our Christmas baking we went iceskating with Todd and a few other families from the ward. Later we met Hannahm Rachel and Joshua and all the girls and I got Christmas manicures while Todd, Zach and Josh went to Wal Mart yet again. I think between the two of us we went to Wal Mart at least 10 times-YIKES!

Anyway, the weather turned rainy so instead of going to see the Christmas lights at Fayetteville town square we headed back to my house and had our traditional clam chowder dinner. I prefaced the dinner by telling the kids that I understood that this was not an ideal situation and how sorry I was that things hadn't turned out how everyone would have like but how grateful I was to have met them and to get to be a part of their lives. I also said that I hope that each Christmas gets easier and more joyful.

After dinner we listed to Silent Night, I helped Todd wrap his presents and they headed home, as the rain had turned to sleet.

I was so happy last night I couldn't fall asleep. I honestly felt like a kid again, knowing that it was now snowing outside and I had my children safely snuggled up in my bed beside me and that we all would awake to a beautiful white Christmas.

And that we did. The sun was shining and the sky a perfect blue against the white snow. The kdis opened their presents and we're all very happy with what they got. The biggest hit this year was the Wii.

Everyone was happy and healthy-although Charlotte did wake up at 3 in the morning with a tummy ache and ended up throwing up a few times. Fortunately she went back to bed and was all better by late morning, just in time to open presents.

Madeleine (11), Mom and Charlotte(7)